Gearheads: Auto News at High Speeds

Springtime Cars to Assist During Mating Season

Ah yes, it is almost springtime again, when flowers bloom and bees are buzzing. Throughout the animal kingdom, animals are working profusely on their techniques on how to attract a mate and for us “Gearheads” (Automotis Grease Monkius) it is no exception. We have either wrenched on our project car all winter or built the vehicle multiple times on the car company’s website. Now with warmer weather on the way and the road’s being cleared of salt and snow means that it is time to let those sticky Z-rated tires do their job. There is no better feeling then to be able to role your windows down and smell the fresh cut grass with the symphony of cylinders playing a tune that sounds so intoxicating that you swear that only mythological sirens could make such a noise.

For new car buyers this spring, you have a cornucopia of options when it comes to spirited rides.  From an Italian clown-car rocket to an 8.4 Liter V10 that cause crude oil prices to fluctuate depending on your driving habits, there is a great deal of springtime choices. So what it boils (rubber) down too is what kind of mate are you looking for this spring?

 

The “Hipster/Eco” trendy girl – Ok, this is a tricky one for a gearhead to work on as horsepower to these girls is synonymous with polar bear tears. You will need a sleeper or something cute. Try the Fiat Abarth, Impreza WRX or Focus ST. These are smaller cars that have a lineage dating back to conservation and efficency. The scariest part is that you will have to let her drive in order for her to fall in love with your vehicle but then you have her. Recommendation – WRX STI with CO-OP and equal rights stickers.

 

The “My Baby Is American Made” girl – Easy, breezy for this mate. She loves Elvis, Horses, and Daisy Dukes. Show her your show pony Mustang GT or Camaro, Challenger etc. Big front and loose rear-end (car!) means that she is going to be the Kathy Bates to your Burt Reynolds. Grow a mustache immediately. Recommendation – Mustang GT Convertible with Cragar Mags

 

The “Wild One” girl – This one is in constant need of attention and excitement. She gets bored easy and will soon be trying to find another suitor. You need speed and a pair of aviators. You have to play the bad boy persona and drive like a bastard. Learn your cars limitations because if you total it then you will just get flipped off when you try to take her on a date in that KIA. These girls are hazardous to your health but are pretty damn fun for that short span. Prepare for expenses and pain as a side effect of this one but you will also have stories to tell for the rest of your short life. – Recommendation – Cadillac CTS-V Coupe

 

These are just a few of the potential mates due this spring and as your vehicle is your lure it helps to add flashy accents and in order to put out the scent, you can use the bass coming from your stereo. Once they get close, it is up to you to seal the deal and usually a clean shirt and brushed teeth helps. And remember to start slow and analyze them. Like a deer they can easily be spooked and run away.

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Chris Riley

Chris Riley

I have been wrecking cars for as long as I've been driving them but I keep coming back for more. Two wheels or four, I'm all in. GearHeads.org gives me a chance to give something back to the automobile community that helped raise me.